Replaying the best of Air Laws this month. Renumbering and editing them, too...as I review and rethink them. The original Air Law 2 was a suggestion from a friend that I have come to rethink. After all, if only guys that shop in the Big & Tall stores are allowed in the Exit Rows...then I'm gonna be cramped.
Yeah, I'm selfish that way. So, here's a new Alr Law 2 (so as to not screw up the numbering system quite yet) inspired by my cramped, middle-seat-on-a-long-flight friend Dave Bratton:
No matter how big or small you are, being in the middle seat sucks. There shouldn't even be middle seats. But, as most airlines don't give a shit about you or your comfort, it will be a fact of life until we all say "no mas" and stop flying until they fix it.
In First Class, there are armrests for each arm for each passenger. When it's three across in steerage, there are four armrests for six arms. Clearly, whoever designed these seats was a math moron or a sadist. And, because there are thoughtless, selfish people that inhabit virtually every aisle of every plane, it's come to this:
AIR LAW 2: When stuck in the middle row, said passenger is allowed to utilize both armrests as compensation for having been screwed over with that seat assignment. With this caveat: If the person in the window seat has really big shoulders and cannot use the window armrest, he or she is allowed to use the next available armrest. In such a case, the middle seat passenger will use the next armrest and the aisle passenger will use the aisle armrest.
In such special cases, all three passengers will be leaning, in concert, toward the aisle...meaning that flight attendants weilding large beverage carts must take care not to decapitate aisle passengers.
Should decapitation occur, the fault is solely on the airline for designing their airplanes in such a sadistic fashion.